I grouped everything I do into two thought processes… the conscious and the subconscious. Somethings are meant to be always conscious… and others not. But is it possible to be conscious about everything at any one moment in time? Can you simultaneously think about everything that is happening to you, that you are doing, and what you want to/will do at once?
I was running through the desert. I had never felt so dry before. I could feel the back of my tongue developing a new glue to stick to the back of my throat. It felt like I woud suffocate. But I wouldn’t…, I pushed on. Climbing heaps of sand one after another; the journey was endless. My skin was dry, I was thirsty, and the sun was… well fuck the sun. I hated the sun at this point. The heat beat down on me like I was being punished indefinitely.
Even through all this there was something else wrong. Something I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but it hurt. I looked down at the street, it was raining. Puddles formed around my feet as I walked aimlessly. I was in disbelief, what had happened to my golden dungeon? My dungeon with no walls and no limits. It was gone. I didn’t know if I was happy or upset with the change in scenario… but that something that was wrong before, was still wrong now. Something that I had overlooked. I felt around my body; I found a hole in my shirt. There was blood. Why was I bleeding? More puddles formed on the floor; they became larger and larger. ****
I woke up to flashing lights. I was surrounded by tall men in white masks. “We have to act quick, He’s hemorrhaging.” What was going on? Did this have something to do with the blood I had found? Had I been shot!? More importantly why didn’t I realize what had happened all this time? Why was I so fixated on what was happening to me at the moment rather than what HAD happened to me before?. Has the past really lost that much meaning to me?
Being conscious about all that happened to me, is happening to me, and will happen to me seems incredibly difficult. Maybe that’s why people make the same mistakes multiple times. How can you simply keep track of everything in the four dimensions… it’s simple. It’s impossible.